


out of nowhere

by anntea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Pining, Roommates, this entire thing is self indulgent tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-08 22:10:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19876873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anntea/pseuds/anntea
Summary: They move in together after graduation and it's doing weird things to Iwaizumi's heart. He's a little in denial about it.





	out of nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> I did read over it to check everything but just in case, there might be some mistakes. I hope you enjoy!

Iwaizumi hears quiet footsteps outside his room late that first night, followed by the balcony door opening. 

The sky is filled with stars when he reaches Oikawa, who is staring up at them silently and sitting down against the railing with his knees to his chest. Glasses lopsided on his face and hair a mess, he looks back at Iwaizumi in the doorway and leans his head into his shoulder with a soft smile.

"I didn't know you were still awake, Iwa-chan."

He shouldn't be. It's already after midnight, and Iwaizumi's eyes are burning, but he hasn't been able to fall asleep. Everything is too new and the air feels different here. So he sits down with him.

"I should be saying the same thing to you."

Oikawa brings a long sleeve covered fist to his face, straightening his glasses before looking up again. The stars reflect slightly off them but do nothing to hide the gaze beneath, and Iwaizumi feels like they're twelve again. Sneaking onto his roof in the middle of the night when Oikawa was too stressed and too proud to ask for help, but the tiny specks shining above them doing something to ground him in the moment. The dumbass never really grew out of it.

He pulls on the side of Oikawa's shirt. _Want to talk about it?_

"Not now." An expected answer to the unspoken question. Loose fabric is still between his fingers, thin and blue. And Iwaizumi's.

And he doesn't know what it is about that fact, but he sees a drowsy half smile on Oikawa's lips and it sticks weirdly in his throat, his hands suddenly unsure. It's not new, Oikawa stealing his clothes for whatever reason. But Iwaizumi notices how nice it looks, cute even, and the feeling tightens.

It's not long after when they go back inside. But they don't go to bed. Oikawa finds a place on the floor, boxes scattered around him. Iwaizumi does the same.

And it's three in the morning and they're both barely awake and Iwaizumi keeps closing his eyes as he leans into the wall behind him, but Oikawa starts looking through pictures.

He's not quiet about it. Typical Oikawa. Loud. Animated. And poking Iwaizumi's cheek.

"Iwa-chan, look," Oikawa places a picture down on a stack of them, a pile made directly in front of Iwaizumi on the floor. "Remember this?"

He does. The day Oikawa saw his nephew for the first time, Iwaizumi listened to him go on and on about how great of an uncle he was going to be. Hands on his hips as he proclaimed how he was going to be the coolest guy Takeru ever met. Until he finally held him.

Takeru was no smaller than any other baby, but Oikawa instantly thought he was the tiniest most fragile thing to ever exist. Breakable. His little baby nephew he wanted to protect.

He was nervous and no good at trying to hide it. So Iwaizumi sat down next to him, making jokes about it. The picture was taken in the middle of Oikawa sticking his tongue out at Iwaizumi.

"You know, you did this a few weeks ago. Don't make us take forever to unpack because you're getting nostalgic over it now, too." Iwaizumi said, gesturing to the box in front of him.

Under that picture was one of them again, in junior high. Volleyball jerseys and happy faces. Oikawa's eyes are closed and arms wrapped around Iwaizumi. He smiles at it as he picks it up.

"Look who's getting all sentimental now," Oikawa teases, bumping his knee into Iwaizumi's. But his face softens and he rests his head on Iwaizumi's shoulder. "Iwa-chan was so much cuter then."

"Shut up, asshole."

"Now you're just a grumpy old man."

Iwaizumi pushes him off when he says it, but there's no real bite. Especially not when he really looks at Oikawa. He's still staring at the picture, far away look in his eye when his fingers accidentally brush against Iwaizumi's.

"It's going to be really different. Playing without you."

Different. Unnatural. Iwaizumi isn't sure which word fits better.

"Yeah. I know."

For a second, Oikawa looks like he might say something else, but then he moves his hand away from Iwaizumi instead, taking the picture of them and Takeru and putting it in a small pile off to the side. "This one goes over here. I'm trying to keep everything sorted."

"Is that one with all the others you've been a gigantic crybaby in?"

"Mean, Iwa-chan!"

Oikawa's dramatically pouting. Iwaizumi's breathing feels weird again.

\---

He wakes up to humming from the kitchen. Oikawa's drinking coffee when he passes by, goofy morning teasing on his lips as Iwaizumi's making his way to the bathroom, before he's fully awake enough to do anything else besides flip him off to deal with it. He hears Oikawa squawk behind him as he closes the door.

Iwaizumi is still thinking about what happened. It's been about a week and he's still not entirely sure where it came from, thinking Oikawa was cute, but he's trying to file it away in the back of his head to worry about later.

But that's hard when it keeps happening. Oikawa excitedly ran up to him when Iwaizumi came home with groceries the other day. Not about the food but just to say how boring everything is when Iwaizumi's not there, eyes shining, and he couldn't meet his gaze after from blushing down to his neck. He doesn't know how much more he can take.

Because whatever, of course he should think nice things about his best friend. But _this_ should not be happening. Iwaizumi shouldn't be mesmerized by Oikawa's laugh out of nowhere while they're watching one of his shitty movies, or thinking about how the corner of his mouth is really nice when he does.

"Good morning, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa says as Iwaizumi joins him. He gets too close to his face and squints his eyes. "Someone's not sleeping enough."

"Say that to yourself, Shittykawa. We both know you keep staying up late, too."

His tongue slips between his teeth as he rubs at the back of his head. "Heh, yeah."

"Whatever." He looks at the time and raises an eyebrow at oikawa. "Don't you usually leave for your morning jog by now?"

"Yeah, but I wanted to see you before I did. And give you this." He puts a cup of tea in front of Iwaizumi with a plate of eggs.

"Did you burn them or something?"

"Iwa-chan, be nice."

He's pretending to sulk but he's also giggling, and so is Iwaizumi. And the sun is shining through the window, catching their small, rundown home in its light. He's warm and happy and grateful. And this, right here, this is why he'll push down every stupid little feeling he's suddenly getting.

Because he's afraid. Of ruining what they have already, afraid of being without Oikawa. Terrified he'll lose what he has. In the apartment. With him.

"Thanks, Oikawa."

"I had time." He says, waving it off and walking over to the door. Oikawa puts his shoes on and opens it. "But you're right. I need to go now. Bye, Iwa-chan! Enjoy your breakfast."

\---

Iwaizumi tries not to think about it. But that's hard to do when Oikawa won't stop touching him. Hard to focus when they move around each other perfectly in the morning, stupid casual conversations ruining his life. They're in sync. They know each other too well. Iwaizumi's dying.

It's only been a month, but living with Oikawa is making him more aware of things. Things he already knew, sure. But now he's sharing a home and a life with his best friend's midnight antics of running outside to stare at the stars when he's sad. A home and a life with this new feeling he can't stop.

Before, it was fine, he was used to this. Oikawa's always been an idiot. He's always been a constant in his life. He's spent the night at his house growing up more times than Iwaizumi can count so it's not like this is new territory really. This is Oikawa. And he's used to Oikawa.

But now there's a new fondness with it he can't pinpoint where exactly it came from, and it just keeps steadily growing. It's doing something to his heart and the pit of his stomach, and honestly, he blames the fact they no longer live in separate homes.

He's never woken up every single morning to lazy smiles and uneven fluffy brown beautiful hair. To soft singing as Oikawa tries to make breakfast. Afternoon stretches in his lame alien tank top, shoulders making Iwaizumi's heart race. Slightly lingering tired hugs before bed because Oikawa wants one.

It's domestic and comfortable and fits into his life with such ease like they were always meant to be here, in this place, together. Like these thoughts and moments and feelings were a long time coming. Like they've maybe always been there but life is only just now letting him in on it.

He can feel it all throughout the apartment and it's paralyzing him. Because this is new and terrifying and he refuses to lose his best friend over this, not when there's that chance Oikawa isn't feeling it too.

So, he's ignoring it and hoping it'll go away. He does not have stupid feelings for his dumbass of a best friend.

\---

The sunset is glowing shades of pink and orange onto Oikawa's face in a way that makes Iwaizumi's whole body react. Not in a necessarily unpleasant way but he almost trips on his way out of the gym when he spots Oikawa talking to Kuroo.

Iwaizumi barely gains his composure before Oikawa's angrily sticking out his tongue and scrunching his nose in an oddly adorable way over something being said. Iwaizumi is losing his goddamn mind isn't he? When did that become attractive exactly?

Oikawa's whining, bottom lip sticking out, hands on his hips. "Iwa-chan! Kuroo says your new setter is better than me."

Kuroo Tetsurou, former captain of Nekoma and talented middle blocker. A pain in the ass when it comes to teasing Oikawa.

But honestly, Iwaizumi kind of is too. He's never been good at not taking the bait when Oikawa presents it so well.

"Yeah. Unlike you, he's not an idiot."

It's followed immediately after by a loud cry he knows all too well and snickering from Kuroo.

"Mean, Iwa-chan." But he's already grabbing Iwaizumi's arm. "How was practice?"

"We're all still getting used to playing together. It's coming along."

"The setter we've got is pretty good though." Kuroo says. "He's not like my precious Kenma but no one ever is."

They talk a little longer, the sun setting more and more before Kuroo says his goodbyes and Iwaizumi tugs on Oikawa and pulls him in the opposite direction.

They don't really talk on the way back, Oikawa just scrolling on his phone the whole time while Iwaizumi directs them both. It's a little annoying, but he's got experience dealing with this sort of thing by now so he drags them forward with ease.

It's dark by the time they make it to a bus, and Oikawa still hasn't let go of him. Iwaizumi's skin is on fire beneath his jacket, arm vibrating where Oikawa's touching and Iwaizumi can barely think.

It's not necessarily a routine now, walking home with each other, but after years of doing just that, it's a hard habit to break. Even on different teams.

They do this every time the other's practice runs too late, going where ever and giving them some company on the long walk or bus ride. And for a split second it's old times together on the way home from school and Iwaizumi's head gets fuzzy. It's unspoken. It's normal. It's them.

"How was your practice?" They find a spot and a look of disgust washes over Oikawa's face when he asks. Iwaizumi has to stifle a laugh. "That bad, huh?"

"Why do I have to be on a team with Ushiwaka? Why me?"

"It's because you're so shitty."

He expects a comeback like earlier but it never comes, and Oikawa is silent next to him. And Iwaizumi can tell there's something wrong but he doesn't know if he should push it. Luckily, he doesn't have to because Oikawa rests his head against his shoulder and breathes out sharply.

"Do you really like your new setter's tosses better?" Is that his problem?

"I never said that, you dumbass." And maybe he should be more tactful, but Iwaizumi can't even comprehend such a question. He could answer properly, ( _fuck no, don't be an idiot, Oikawa_ ) but he already feels like he messed up and it sticks in his throat.

They'll be home soon anyway, he'll deal with it then. But between Oikawa silently sulking on him and Iwaizumi's big mouth, he doesn't even know how he will. What's worse is he can feel Oikawa thinking too hard about whatever it is and that's making him more nervous.

Their stop leaves them with a few minutes of walking time until they reach their apartment, but Oikawa is having none of it as he races ahead of Iwaizumi when they get off. He gets a head start before Iwaizumi's brain kicks in and starts running too, and it's big enough for Oikawa to have apparently been inside and back out again by the time he gets there. He's holding the volleyball that sits beside the stack of books in their livingroom.

"Asshole. What was that even for?"

Oikawa waves his hand back and forth, ignoring the question and holding the ball up. "Iwa-chan, let's try one spike before we go inside."

"It's already dark, Oikawa. And I'm tired." A streetlight is shining over them but barely, not that any of this has ever stopped them before. But Iwaizumi still knows there's something up and there's a place in the back of his head that's insistent on not letting Oikawa overwork himself, so he takes the ball and starts for the door. "Maybe tomorrow."

But Oikawa's touching him again, pulling his wrist. Oikawa's face is right up on him and Iwaizumi can see the desperation written all over it. He's already begging before there are even any words.

"He's not my ace." And now Iwaizumi thinks he might be starting to get it. Just a little. "And that guy's not your setter. And I'm going to remind you I'm better than him."

He's not yelling exactly. In fact, it's more of a whisper than anything loud. But it hits Iwaizumi like Oikawa just screamed at him. His heart's aching at the sound Oikawa's made, and before he can think twice, he gives the ball back.

Because he's tired and his bones ache and he knows that Oikawa's must too. And there's not even a net, just barely enough space to spike anything. But he also knows his best friend. He'll beat himself up for no reason to try to prove something he doesn't have to and Iwaizumi isn't going to sit back and just watch it.

And, okay, fine. It's been too long since they've actually played together. He misses Oikawa's tosses and his soul reacts at the tiniest thought of receiving one.

"One toss, Oikawa. Then we drop this."

He nods and finds a spot with enough room for Iwaizumi to actually receive something, and Iwaizumi gets in position. One second he's standing outside his apartment with the stars shining down on them, and the next he hears Oikawa call his name and his legs are already moving.

The world fades around him and suddenly it's just him and Oikawa and a volleyball. And it's like they're kids again, staying out too late practicing, trying to get their move _just right,_ and Iwaizumi is flying. He's taking in the buzz floating through the air like a lifeline and nothing else matters. Right here, next to his best friend, the ball in front of him, everything is second nature.

All too quickly it's over and life comes back into focus. But there's a light tingle running through his hand now, and then up his neck when Oikawa leans into him from behind with his chin on his shoulder. Iwaizumi manages to keep his heart steady, and then starts batting him away, but he's smiling too.

"I really missed that." It comes out of Oikawa's mouth incredibly serious and heartfelt and now Iwaizumi's looking at the ground.

A second passes before he looks Oikawa in the eye, but when he does, they're sparkling. And it's so Oikawa his chest starts to tighten, but in a good way.

"One more?" He asks, voice begging again but also alive and excited. And Iwaizumi can't say no.

Their legs are achy and exhausted when they finally call it a night. Sweat is running down Iwaizumi's neck as he picks up the jacket he took off ages ago. The world is open and wide and breathing around them. And Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa's hand without thinking.

It's not soft, not really, but it's nice. Feel of his finger tips in his palm, thumb smoothing over his skin.

Oikawa's looking at them joined together, then at Iwaizumi and a feeling shoots up his throat. It's bold but not unpleasant and he knows it, longing settling in his bones as he tries to choke it down.

They've done this before. Touching Oikawa is normal. His heart needs to start remembering that.

"No." Oikawa's looking at him strangely when he says it, so Iwaizumi clarifies. This time without holding back. "He's not bad, but it's not the same. They're not your tosses. It's not you."

Oikawa's smiling. His hand twitches. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." He nods once, a finality as he speaks and Iwaizumi knows it's done now.

His hands fall away and Iwaizumi immediately misses the contact but he picks up the ball and follows Oikawa inside. They take off their shoes, Iwaizumi running his hands over his hair and letting out a grown of exhaustion. But everything feels a bit lighter.

"So what made you so upset anyway?"

"Nothing. Ushiwaka's just a dumby. Says things he shouldn't." Oikawa's just dismissing it again, but it gives Iwaizumi enough of an answer to put the pieces together so he drops it for good this time.

They each have a light sandwich for dinner while something plays on tv. But Iwaizumi isn't really paying attention. His mind is giving him brief images of how the lighting outside framed Oikawa's face. The look of utter enjoyment he had as a street light illuminated every second.

He realizes he's been staring too late and Oikawa sees it. He just flashes a grin and keeps eating like it didn't happen but Iwaizumi feels like an idiot for being caught at all.

"Iwa-chan. His spikes aren't yours either." He keeps looking forward instead of at Iwaizumi when he says it, but it settles itself in Iwaizumi's chest. His heart beats a little harder in pride or something else, and he can feel the tips of his ears turning red.

So he coughs awkwardly and bumps into Oikawa playfully and hopes he plays off his embarrassment well. Oikawa just laughs and starts talking about something dumb Kuroo told him about his boyfriend while waiting for Iwaizumi earlier, and his heart stops pounding so loud.

\---

Oikawa is a little hot. Maybe. Whatever. He can admit that.

And maybe Iwaizumi stares at the back of his head too long in the morning for some reason instead of drinking his coffee. Frankly, he blames it on this whole thing, whatever it is, because it's thoroughly wrecked his sleep schedule. Makes him think about Oikawa all night like some kind of twelve year old with his first crush. Not that this is a crush. Because it's not.

Iwaizumi does not have feelings for Oikawa. Even if he has random moments where he wonders what it'd be like to kiss him. Just once. Just to know.

"Let's go eat, Iwa-chan! I'm starving."

Iwaizumi's laying on the couch reading a book for an upcoming assignment when he feels Oikawa put his whole upper body on his stomach. Oikawa is wearing his glasses, the frames slanting at an odd angle when he leans into his middle. It's cuter than Iwaizumi cares to admit.

"I'm studying, Crappykawa."

Not that it really matters. He's read over the same sentence ten times and still doesn't know what it says.

"But I want ramen."

"Then, go get ramen."

"But Iwa-chan!"

And it's like this. Iwaizumi is, in fact, also hungry. Oikawa's head is tilting, and he's staring at him in a way that is annoyingly attractive and does nothing to help his already confusing thoughts. And it's not like he's actually getting anything read anyway.

They go out.

There's a place a few minutes away they tried not long after moving in, irritated from unpacking all day and Oikawa eager to drag Iwaizumi around and explore.

They saw a lot of different places, but the small ramen shop tucked away from everything was a welcome atmosphere for both of them after a long day. And the food was delicious.

They've only been back a handful of times, but the owner waves when she sees them and offers a familiar smile when they order their usual. Her daughter brings it to them when it's done, the dashing look on Oikawa's face radiating off of him as they both thank her and she's off again, lightly flushed and hurriedly excusing herself.

She reminds Iwaizumi of the girls from highschool. Far less obvious in her affection, but by now he can pick up on the subtle shy glances toward Oikawa and all they imply. Not that he can blame her. Not really. Not when he's somehow found himself in the same position.

"You looked like you were having trouble studying earlier." Oikawa's blowing on his noodles, steam fogging his glasses the tiniest bit, causing his eyebrows to crease and a groan to escape his throat.

"Yeah, I can't really wrap my head around it. Distracted." Iwaizumi points his chopsticks at his best friend. "I blame you, Assikawa."

"Stop being so grumpy, Iwa-chan. It's not my fault you're mesmerized by my beauty." A hand on his face, flashing that goddamn cheeky smile. "But I can sympathize. Must be hard being around my handsome face so much."

"Oikawa." There's a warning to it.

"So grumpy."

"Oikawa. Stop."

"Really, Iwa-chan, so mean." But then he pauses, lowering his chopsticks. "And I mean, I know you need to study but I thought maybe you could take your mind off of it for awhile. I could practically feel you spacing out earlier."

Iwaizumi just nods, because he's right. If course he's right. Oikawa has always been able to read him better than anyone. It makes him nervous for a lot of different terrifying reasons, but also fits snuggly in his chest to remember, with glaring detail, just how close they are.

"You've been doing that recently. Acting different. You seem a little stressed, like you're not sleeping." Iwaizumi can hear how hesitant he is to even say it. He must have been thinking on it for awhile.

"Just university, that's all. It's different."

Oikawa narrows his eyes behind his glasses but ultimately doesn't call him out on his poor excuse for a lie. "Yeah. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be too."

Iwaizumi could tell Oikawa about how he snort laughed last week and the sound is haunting him at night just because of how immediately his body reacted to it. The instant plea of _holy shit do that again_ Iwaizumi had to shove deep inside of himself. The restraint it's taking to not let every emotion of tender adoration cross his features.

Could tell him about how yesterday when Oikawa went on and on about some dumb movie Iwaizumi hung on to every word, every move of his wrist, and every crinkle of his smile like he was addicted. Like his life was continuing all because his best friend was excited.

He could tell him that his lips occupy his thoughts. And that he longs for the moments Oikawa comes home, just so he can hear him. That playing volleyball without him hurts like hell, and every squeak of his shoes reminds him of where they started, what he could lose. That every touch burns. That he wants to hold Oikawa's hand again.

And that for some reason outside of his understanding he can't make any of it stop.

But he wont. He won't tell Oikawa any of it. Instead Iwaizumi continues talking back and forth with him as they finish their dinner and start to walk home, laughing and taking in this time he does have with him.

"And he called me the other day just to tease me." Oikawa wails, hands in the air as Iwaizumi let's them inside with a teasing snicker of his own. "Mattsun's such a meanie. Stop laughing!"

But Oikawa's smiling too, yawning as he takes off his shoes, already leaning against Iwaizumi. Oikawa's hugging him and it lasts longer than normal. He's warm and drowsy and sinks into Iwaizumi effortlessly, and he's left breathing in the smell of his hair and it's all so Oikawa it hurts.

"I'm gonna head to bed. Really tired." It's murmured against Iwaizumi's neck, feather touch that's barely there but enough to make him shiver.

"Yeah. Me too. I'm going to try to get some studying done first, though."

"Not too late. Iwa-chan desperately needs his beauty sleep. It's tragic really."

"Asshole."

He eventually pulls away, rubbing at his eyes with a loud yawn. "Goodnight, Iwa-chan."

"Yeah. Goodnight."

Maybe Iwaizumi is a little more screwed than he thought.

\---

The gym for Iwaizumi's new team is a lot different, bigger, than Aoba Johsai's was, but has the same feel that settles deep in his bones when he's there.

Every time he hears the ball hitting the ground. Every scuff of shoes against the court. It has a way of pulling something nostalgic out of him. He always half expects to hear Makki and Matsun cackling in the corner, making fun of him relentlessly, before his brain catches up to where he is.

He's been doing that a lot recently, thinking too much about how things were, how different they are now.

When Iwaizumi gets a break during early morning practice, Oikawa has already texted him a selfie. Trademark peace sign and wink. Then, a text begging for milkbread. It's nice to know some things never change.

"Yo, Iwaizumi!" Kuroo calls, sitting down next to him and putting his phone away. 

"Hey." He puts his away too and takes a sip of water. "Did everything work out with Kenma?"

"Yeah! He's visiting this weekend! Thank god! My heart can only take so much."

Iwaizumi sees the way Kuroo looks whenever he gets to talk to Kenma. How excited he is to come up with date ideas for when they'll see each other again. The animated nature he has in every word when he's talking about his boyfriend. Sees the way everything seems to fall into place when they are in the same room.

It's just similar enough to what is bubbling up in Iwaizumi's own chest on a daily basis to make him overanalyze everything he's been feeling that much more.

Iwaizumi really hates it.

"Kuroo." Iwaizumi's already regretting this, but he keeps thinking about how he needs another opinion. Someone who probably gets it. "You and your boyfriend have been best friends for years, right?"

"Yeah. Since we were kids."

"How did that happen for you guys? Dating, I mean." And god, Iwaizumi is already getting embarrassed. This was a bad idea. "Like, feelings and shit."

Kuroo seems to understand what's actually being asked though and gives him a cat like smirk he wants to immediately smack off.

"So, Oikawa then." It's not a question.

"Please, shut up."

"That's pretty gay, Iwaizumi."

"I am gay, Kuroo."

"That's not a no." He scoots closer, more serious look in his eyes. "We are talking about Oikawa, though. Right?"

Iwaizumi runs a hand over his face, grumbling a bit, his ears burning. "Maybe."

"Okay." He takes drink, pausing to bite at his lip before looking Iwaizumi head on. "Have you told him?"

"Hell no." It comes out rushed and louder than Iwaizumi intended, a few guys turning to stare.

"Why not?"

"Because it's Oikawa. He's my best friend. I'm not going to make things weird. "

"Yeah. Okay. I can get that. Went through the same thing with Kenma."

"Really?"

"Dude. Come on. Kenma rarely opens up to anyone. The guy hates attention." Kuroo looks at the ground, voice soft. "I didn't want to scare him."

"But it all worked out okay."

"I mean, yeah. But only because Kenma bit the bullet when I graduated. One of us needed to. "

"I don't think I can do that. Oikawa, he," _doesn't like me like that._ "We live together. If he doesn't feel the same, then what?"

"I don't know what to tell you. That didn't happen to me." He shrugs, but then waves a hand, disregarding it all. "But I also don't think you have anything to worry about. I've seen the way Oikawa is with you. All touchy and clingy."

"He's always been that way." Then corrects himself. " _We've_ always been this way. It just started, I don't know, feeling different. That's all."

"Well, I mean, what do your friends have to say about it?"

Iwaizumi already knows the answer to that question. Matsukawa and Hanamaki are fucking gremlins in the teasing department. Always have been. Assholes.

"They know we're close."

"Listen, man, I can't tell you what to do, but Oikawa," He stops himself, and Iwaizumi isn't sure why. But then Kuroo's face is more serious than before. "I think you should go for it. And maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not. But regardless loving your best friend in that way without being able to tell them sucks."

"I just don't think I can." 

Iwaizumi can't take much more of this conversation, thankful for coach calling everyone back in that moment. They're both up quickly, stretching a bit. 

Kuroo places a hand on his shoulder, a sympathetic look on his face. "Just think about it. Okay?"

The rest of practice drags on for him after that, mind constantly gravitating back to Oikawa, and what Kuroo said. And by the time it's all over, he's more confused than he already was.

Iwaizumi just wants to go home, take a nap. Stop thinking for once.

But Oikawa starts whining the second he gets there, Iwaizumi having completely forgotten about any mention of milkbread, and now he has a front row seat to everything that is his best friend dramatically draping himself against their counter shirtless.

"Iwa-chan, I'm withering away!" And he's definitely not, but Iwaizumi might be. No one should look that good with such a pouty face.

"Stop being a dumbass." Is what he says instead of what he's actually thinking.

And no amount of Oikawa playfully crying out or Iwaizumi trying to steady his own mind is ridding him of the intense urge to just hold him. 

\---

Oikawa is limping when he comes home from early morning practice. Not a lot, but enough for Iwaizumi to offer help inside.

A hand on his back to steady him, he walks slowly with Oikawa to a chair in the kitchen, sitting him down gently and rushing to grab the first aid kit. Iwaizumi knows there's something wrong with Oikawa's bad knee, if him holding it is anything to go by, and he knows how to wrap it by now.

Oikawa won't look at Iwaizumi when he comes back, eyes trained on the ground. Iwaizumi sits down below him, hands skimming over Oikawa's right knee. He flinches even at the soft touch. "Sorry."

"Iwa-chan always takes such good care of me."

"Maybe if you weren't such an idiot I wouldn't have to." Iwaizumi gets to work, holding his leg delicately still. "Seriously, Oikawa, what happened?"

He still won't face him, but Oikawa starts talking in hushed whispers. Like if he says it quietly enough it's not true, like it didn't happen. Like he's not hurt.

"I stayed a little late to practice more, that's all. Landed on my knee wrong."

"Why didn't you call me?" Iwaizumi starts folding a bandage over the spot. It feels like something's stuck in his throat, memories of just how bad Oikawa's knee had been at one point, but he pushes it all away. "I would've come."

"I know."

"You didn't have to walk all the way back alone. I could have helped."

He only nods, biting at his bottom lip and fidgeting with his fingers.

"Whatever, Assikawa." Iwaizumi finishes covering the spot, looking up at Oikawa and placing a hand on his other leg. "Could you look at me now? I'm not mad."

"You're always mad." But at least Iwaizumi can see his eyes now, playful and filled with mischief. Even if it is annoying when Oikawa pokes him between his eyebrows. "It's going to cause wrinkles."

"I'm just worried."

"It doesn't even hurt that bad anymore." A lie, Iwaizumi knows. He can feel it. "I should probably lay down, though."

Oikawa's arm over his shoulder, Iwaizumi takes them to the living room, sitting at the end of the couch. He knows the drill by now, knows where Oikawa wants him.

The back of his head slowly falls into Iwaizumi's legs, Oikawa stretching out a bit to keep his knee supported and using Iwaizumi as a pillow. Nevermind the fact there are actual pillows nearby. And no way in hell is he reminding Oikawa of that.

Iwaizumi turns on the tv while Oikawa makes himself comfortable, but it's almost static in his ears from everything else going on at this point.

They watch a movie, but not really. Neither of them even know what's on, with their laughing and bickering and cuddling that's making Iwaizumi's mind feel numb, and they don't care.

At some point, Oikawa put his head on Iwaizumi's chest, both of them leaning into the arm of the couch. And after silence falls between the two, he feels Oikawa's breathing even out.

He's not asleep but Iwaizumi wouldn't be surprised. His team has a game coming up. Oikawa is being his typical self, staying up all night analyzing the other side, pushing himself that extra mile during practice. No wonder his knee hurts.

Oikawa starts moving his finger up and down Iwaizumi's thigh, like he's nervous. Like he's thinking too much.

"It's going to be okay, Iwa-chan. Sometimes I just hurt my leg. You know that." And Iwaizumi does but it doesn't sound like Oikawa is actually saying it for him. He's saying it as if he needs to remember, like he doesn't even believe it himself.

Iwaizumi knows he gets scared it could all be over when this shit happens.

"Just don't strain it too much. You probably spent too much time playing volleyball again like a dumbass."

"Iwa-chan, what are you? My mom?" He laughs and lifts his head, sitting a little straighter but being careful of his knee. He's touching him. A hand, placed on Iwaizumi's collarbone, fingers partially up his neck. "Really. I'm fine."

It's moments like these that Iwaizumi understands what Kuroo was getting at. But it's always been normal. He can't start acting weird about it now.

"Okay." Eyes flick down to lips and Iwaizumi can't believe how stupid he's being. But they look soft, and this is Oikawa, and Iwaizumi is dying. "Let's just watch the movie."

Oikawa does fall asleep, not long after, breathing out a tiny snore as he curls into Iwaizumi. Face hidden in the curve of his neck, silky hair tickling Iwaizumi's jaw.

He's too afraid to move, to ruin this moment, but Oikawa's breath hits Iwaizumi's throat and he feels like he's drowning. And maybe he is but Oikawa is still sleeping and who cares about needing to move when he's got this.

His best friend. In his arms. Safe.

Oikawa stirs and opens his eyes an hour later. An hour of Iwaizumi coming to terms with the fact that he needs to stop lying to himself about this now.

He never met anyone so annoying and loud and childish. But full of passion and commitment to who he is and what he wants and where he's going. The feeling of pride Oikawa carries in every step and the insecurities written out on his wrist.

It has a way of settling itself in Iwaizumi's chest with every whiny moment, every stupid heartfelt speech, every word he says, just how deeply he cares for Oikawa.

He loves him. He's in love with him.

Iwaizumi didn't expect it. But he should have. Realizing he loves Oikawa isn't even a shock after he's thought about it long enough.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Oikawa pokes Iwaizumi's cheek to get his attention, sleepy smile on his face.

"Nothing." Everything. Every moment.

It was always him when they were five and Oikawa screamed for their mothers after Iwaizumi hit his head at the park. It barely hurt but Oikawa was crying, putting brightly colored bandaids in places there wasn't any blood and begging Iwaizumi not to die.

Always him when he raced over to Iwaizumi's house with a volleyball that very first time, fire in his eyes.

It was Oikawa that one late night years ago, careful confessions on their tongues as they whispered about cute boys. Shaky breaths and relieved sighs, and Iwaizumi felt a little more whole.

It's always been them. Together.

Oikawa has always been home.

\---

Oikawa's team wins a few weeks later, Iwaizumi sitting in the stands watching the whole thing with baited breath before the room erupts in noise.

He's cheering with everything he has in him when Oikawa looks at him, happy tears rolling down his face, filled with so much life and energy, his teammates running at him from behind.

Later, Oikawa finds him outside the building. He's hugging Iwaizumi before he can even get his congratulations out.

\---

Iwaizumi knows Oikawa has a study group tonight. He keeps going from the bathroom to his room getting ready, walking around in his stupid bathrobe the entire time until finally, _finally_ , he changes into an actual outfit.

He's wearing another one of Iwaizumi's shirts again, black and loose, and it falls just right when he leans his whole body on the wall behind him while he waits.

All common sense is suddenly out the window as he walks up to Oikawa and touches the front of his collar. "Isn't this mine?"

Even Oikawa looks a bit taken aback but doesn't comment on it, instead he only smiles.

"Yeah. I couldn't figure out what to wear." He says. "Besides, it flatters me better. Don't you think?"

And it does. But Iwaizumi isn't going to tell him that, he's already making things weird. And he still hasn't moved.

Faces are too close and the air is changing, like it does far too often with Oikawa, alive and electric around them and Iwaizumi finds himself giving in to it, just a bit. A moment of weakness, leaning forward without thinking it through.

Oikawa's eyes blow wide but he isn't pulling away either, instead moving his hand to the base of Iwaizumi's neck, tilting ever so slightly toward him.

Iwaizumi's fingers are lingering at his collarbone now, and when he touches Oikawa there his breath hitches. Their hips are pushed together, and he moves his hand so it's resting on the small of Oikawa's back.

"Iwa-chan."

It's gentle and barely there, but Oikawa's tracing the outline of Iwaizumi's lips with his thumb. Both of their breathing is heavy and their faces are still so damn close, Iwaizumi can feel it on his cheeks.

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me."

And by some unknown force, he actually does. Light and shaky, but enough for Oikawa to throw his arms over Iwaizumi's shoulders and press deeper into it before he can pull away.

It's more confident, bold. And it stirs something in Iwaizumi that's full of life and energy. He's hot and breathless and desperate against Oikawa, wrapping his arm around his torso, pulling their hips flush against each other.

He can feel Oikawa's body vibrating, heart beating in tune with Iwaizumi's lips on his neck and fingers carding through his hair, soft and beautiful. Any sliver of exposed skin is cool to the touch, new and exciting and it's driving Iwaizumi crazy.

They shouldn't be doing this and he knows it. Iwaizumi shouldn't be nibbling behind his ear. Shouldn't be running a hand down his chest. Or drowning himself in the smell of Oikawa's hair.

Oikawa shouldn't be begging him to not stop, _please, kiss me again, Iwa-chan._ Gasping, with his head rolled back into the wall and his nails digging into Iwaizumi's shirt.

But he is. And they are. Kissing again, lips fumbling with every touch. And goddamn if it isn't everything Iwaizumi's mind has been screaming at him to want for the last few months.

A knock at the door stops them, finally, and it's like they both realized what was happening. Oikawa's head leans back on the wall, hair sticking out in weird directions and cheeks burning. His eyes are wide and both are failing to get their breathing in order, but beyond that neither of them are moving. Iwaizumi is still holding Oikawa.

"You should probably get that. It's that girl from study group, right? Coming to pick you up?" There's another knock as Iwaizumi says it, but it sounds too distant, and so does every word.

But Iwaizumi's hands leave Oikawa anyway, taking their time and every moment is excruciating. Oikawa closes his eyes and groans softly but Iwaizumi doesn't have time to think about that because now he can hear her calling for Oikawa from behind the door. And nothing is as warm and alive and vibrant as it was ten seconds ago.

"I'll get it. Just go fix your," Iwaizumi gestures at his head, Oikawa's hands touching the ends of his hair. It's more adorable than it needs to be right now, so he swallows it down and starts walking away. "Yeah. That."

He can't remember her name when he sees her. But she smiles when Iwaizumi tells her Oikawa will just be a minute. And only then does he start to wonder what he himself probably looks like. If maybe he should have made sure he didn't look thoroughly wrecked too.

"Sorry for the wait. Time got away from me." Iwaizumi turns at Oikawa's voice behind him. His hair is brushed and neat. Iwaizumi's shirt is laying on him straighter. Like it wasn't just being frantically moved around between them.

A signature smile is shining his way as Oikawa puts on his shoes, and Iwaizumi's whole body is screaming. Because it's fake. The smile is so goddamn fake it's painful.

"I'll be out pretty late so don't wait up." Even though Iwaizumi knows these things only go a couple hours at most, he just nods.

Iwaizumi stares at him as he passes by, and Oikawa's doing the same, seeming to be on the verge of saying something else but instead biting his lip and following her.

Only after they're down the street and out of sight does Iwaizumi close the door and sink down to his knees.

\---

Iwaizumi goes to bed after midnight but never actually sleeps. It's just hours of his mind replaying the events over and over. And nothing makes sense.

His night has been filled with images of Oikawa's lips too close every time he closes his eyes. Of thighs brushing against each other, and hands holding Oikawa tight. The look on his face before he started leaning in too.

And Iwaizumi is a little broken over all of it.

He hears the front door open, and maybe Oikawa's trying to be quiet for Iwaizumi's sake but Iwaizumi's awake and he's been awake for hours. The room keeps feeling like it's closing in on him and he can't take it anymore.

Footsteps stop at his door and then Oikawa peaks his head in. And Iwaizumi can't see much from the small amount of light coming through his window from the nearby streetlamp, but he recognizes the look of resolve that passes over Oikawa's face before crossing the room and climbing under Iwaizumi's covers.

"Oikawa? What are you-"

"I'm tired, Iwa-chan. I'm going to bed."

He wants to ask why here, in this bed, with him. But he can't, not when Oikawa is suddenly burying his head down into the blanket and Iwaizumi can feel his trembling through the mattress. Like he's about to cry.

Iwaizumi decides it's time to tell him. A part of him thinks hours after it happened is too soon to dive in head first. That maybe he should give it more time, like a week, or a month. But Iwaizumi won't spend more sleepless nights over this whole thing and he won't drag Oikawa through it either. And goddamn, Iwaizumi wasn't the only one involved. Oikawa was kissing him too. Oikawa told him to.

Maybe that means nothing. Or maybe that means everything. But the fact is Oikawa wanted it, and Iwaizumi is so tired. And he just wants to know what all that was about.

So he pokes Oikawa in the side, moving a little closer. "Where were you anyway?"

He yanks the blanket off his face with a huff and lays down on his back, staring at the ceiling with his arms crossed. "I said I was tired. It's three in the morning."

"I don't care." Iwaizumi sits up, and he's looking down at Oikawa. "Where did you go? After studying?"

But at least he doesn't look annoyed anymore, just worn out. "Walked a while. The stars are beautiful tonight."

"It's three in the morning."

"Yeah." He smiles lightly at Iwaizumi when he repeats Oikawa's words, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

Iwaizumi drops it because he knows that's all the explanation he's going to get and he can live with that honestly. And he's losing momentum in why he forced himself to start talking in the first place so he moves on and he takes a deep breath and just asks.

"Why did you kiss me?" Oikawa sits up at that. He won't look at him.

"It doesn't matter." But it does. And Iwaizumi has to tell him.

But now Oikawa is getting up to walk away, the bed creaking as he goes, and Iwaizumi's whole body is begging him to move. So he does, and he's holding Oikawa's hand before he even gets a foot on the floor.

They kissed. Iwaizumi is tired of pretending they didn't because he already couldn't sleep before this and was terrified of what all this meant. But now it's a hundred times worse and it hasn't even been a full day yet, and he hasn't seen Oikawa since it happened. And he doesn't care he just. Doesn't care anymore.

The air is different and Iwaizumi doesn't quite hear himself until it's out. But it's like the universe clicks into place and pushes him forward because it's done too.

"I'm in love with you."

And it's still so hard to breathe _._

He feels like there's something stuck in his throat and he's scared, absolutely terrified. His eyes are glued to the covers bunched around him and he can't really feel his hands anymore, but he swears he can feel every second. Ticking away like they don't matter, like Iwaizumi isn't suffocating next to his best friend in their apartment on a too early Saturday morning because he's an idiot who can't keep his mouth shut.

It's deafening and terrifying and stupid. So he tries to speak but his mouth feels like cotton. Oikawa's not talking either but then he trails his hand up Iwaizumi's arm and turns towards him, and suddenly they're face to face. And Oikawa, he's just. Oikawa's just staring at him.

He's staring at Iwaizumi, embarrassed, flushed down to his neck. He looks like he might cry or scream or run away, but then he smiles. A real smile. And he's there, inches in front of him, grabbing at his shirt and pulling him forward.

He plants his face directly into Iwaizumi's chest and in the softest voice asks, "You sure?"

Which confuses Iwaizumi's head because he's not fully understanding what's happening. But also.

Of course he's sure. He's never been more sure of something he's said in his entire life. Because he's Hajime. And this is Tooru. And that's just how it is, how it's always been.

But he still can't speak, definitely not enough to try explaining all of that, so he just nods. His chin resting on the top of Oikawa's head when he does and he hopes Oikawa understands. And somehow he must, lifting his face up to smile at Iwaizumi, wobbly but beaming.

And then Oikawa's kissing him.

Their lips meet at an odd angle and still somewhat hesitant at first, a tiny little taste of what's coming until Oikawa's confidence just spills forward again like earlier, and it consumes the air and Iwaizumi's brain and lungs and _oh god he can breathe again holy shit._

A gasp escapes him and it's like the room opens and Iwaizumi's kissing back. Slow and unsure, but he's cradling Oikawa's face and smiling against his mouth. Short kisses are all either of them are managing at the moment, so sporadic and nervous you would almost laugh at the notion they were making out earlier, and Iwaizumi is shaking so much he's almost grateful even as he tries to deepen them more.

But then Oikawa's laughing and it's beautiful and all consuming. Iwaizumi's stomach dips weirdly at the sound, but it's good, sending shivers down his spine. It reminds him of late night phone calls and running home after practice together and long movie nights and.

And he loves him. Probably always has.

"Why are you laughing, idiot?"

"Because I'm happy." Then, a brush of his lips against his jaw, and a second time with more purpose, peppering tiny kisses down his neck. Long delicate fingers trailing up his chest and into the collar of Iwaizumi's shirt. "I've loved you for so many years, it's been eating me alive. Iwa-chan, you have no idea."

And then they're desperate against each other, Oikawa slotted between his thighs as Iwaizumi is pushed into the bed without much warning. Lips dragging against his, more assertive now, and he can feel every pleading attempt to get closer coursing through them both. 

"I was so worried you hated me. What happened earlier is everything I've wanted since I was thirteen, and then I got it. And then I thought I messed everything up somehow." Oikawa's straddling him now and running his hands everywhere. His hips. His arms. His hair. "But I still wanted to keep kissing you so bad, and now you're here. And we're actually- We're- Iwa-chan, please tell me I'm not dreaming. Tell me this is actually happening."

Oikawa's nipping at his bottom lip and Iwaizumi makes a pathetic whine at the back of his throat. And he says it like he's aching inside. Like he's begging the universe to grant him this one wish as he clings to Iwaizumi with all he has. And it's too real. And too much. And Iwaizumi wants every second of it.

He can't stop holding Oikawa, and kissing him, and taking in the air. Wiping his tears and whispering that it's real, _it's real, Tooru. I love you, I love you._ Because it better be. He so desperately needs it to be too. And right now he has Oikawa and this apartment and this moment and this life and he can breathe again.

He can finally breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by a friend to write something recently and she doesn't even watch haikyuu but she always let's me talk about it and encouraged me while writing this!!
> 
> I haven't written in a long time and I've never written fan fiction so I hope it didn't come off as too ooc. Regardless, I love iwaoi so so much and fics like this one are my favorites so I had a lot of fun writing it!


End file.
